The Tidy Bowl Man Has Left The Building

In my short time on Earth I have had the pleasure of using restrooms all over the country, and for 1 glorious week, I was blessed by porcelain gods Italy. As a result of my wanderings, I have been witness to facilities that run the entire spectrum of respectability.

The cleanest restroom I have ever been in; was in an Atlanta body piercing shop. Everything was clean, orderly and perfect. The soap and towel dispensers were motion activated. The floors shined, glorious.

I won’t trouble you with the worst restroom ever. Suffice it to say, Fulton County Stadium, in the 1970’s.

This however is not why I come to you today.

I can accept a lot when it comes to public restrooms, I am after all a guy and we have certain advantages when it comes to restrooms. Be it tree, bush, snowdrift, hole in the ground, or a solid gold throne fit for Larry Flint himself, as long as we are standing the result is always the same. Additionally we can find ways to flush, wash, and open the door without actually touching anything.

However what I cannot stand for is sloppy restroom technique in the workplace. Over the past two weeks I have had to pleasure of doing some contract work at a local office. The people I work with are equally skilled as they are friendly. Although one of them didn’t flush, he just zipped up and walked out, probably without washing. For obvious reasons I can rule out all of the women. So one of these friendly, hardworking fellows is in reality a disgusting, lazy person with no regard for the comfort of his fellow man. The question is, who?