The iPhone

The people responsible for the iPhone marketing campaign and brand management deserve head. I am not talking the two licks and "are you done" head, I am talking sloppy, slobbery, full suction, with hand involvement and perhaps a finger in the asshole head. The kind of head you got that night in college from the classmate who was a little drunk, but not so drunk that you felt guilty or like you were taking advantage. Some good ole' "God Bless America" head.
I can not think of a soul on this planet that hasn't already seen a commercial for this product and said "Oooooh, I want one of those". I bet that if Navy S.E.A.L.s took one and baited a bear trap with it in the mountains of Afghanistan and came back 3 days later, the would find Osama Bin Laden listening to the new Coldplay album, while trying to gnaw off his own leg and looking at his mySpace page. At this point, Steve Jobs could actually eat a puppy on national TV and everybody would be like "Eh, it was just one puppy."
Their genius knows no bounds, today some 48 hours from release, I heard a news teaser on the radio that was already warning us of the dangers of the iPhone. "10 ways the iPhone can kill you, your cat and is a danger to your children! Film at 11!"
The product isn't even released yet and people are already hating on it. That my friends is marketing genius. People who haven't even held the device in their hand are making judgments on its dangers and joys. In 48 hours the product will be released, and it will be like Blohan getting out of rehab. Tan, rested, ready to work and prove itself to its adoring fans. Even more genius about the campaign, in 48 hours the iPhone fans will actually be cheering it on, encouraging it to overcome the hardships of the last 48.
The only thing that could derail this launch is actual footage of Paris Hilton in a Tijuana donkey show or alien invasion. But knowing the Apple marketing department, the aliens will show up in a well timed publicity stunt and actually reveal that they had been here all along, plotting our destruction. Only after seeing the iPhone, they decided to spare our lives and embrace us as brothers.